Story V - The Shallow Man

Life is a mirror .... You only see what you want to.

Ashok had received his third warning in as many months. Ashok’s manager had called him to a meeting room and warned him about the dire consequences if he continued to make such mistakes. The warning from his manager had made things worse for Ashok. He found it harder to concentrate on the work at hand. Ashok knew he could not afford to loose this job. He knew he could not afford embrace defeat when he was so close to having everything that he ever wanted from life.

Ashok stared blankly at the writing on the wall in front of him. But refused to read it; he rather ignored it because he had never learnt to do otherwise. It wasn't Ashok’s fault, the wall had been filled with deceit ever since his birth. The wall had always accused him of one failing or the other.

Ashok would never have made it to where he was if he had read or understood the writing on the wall.

But the wall was the only place where life wrote. Wall was the only place where one could communicate and read messages from life. Life sneered at Ashok for not having read the messages it had been writing. Life laughed at his ignorance and decided to look the other way. There had been many before Ashok who had wondered if this attitude of life was fair. But Sadly life was never known to treat people fairly. Life in its intricate fancies always favored people because of its unknown whims. Ashok was not a part of the life’s favorable lot this time.

He probably never was ....

X ------------------------------------------------- X

It had taken Ashok years of hard work to reach where he had. He was determined to try harder, but found himself struggling against a tide that did not abate.
Ashok had been recently promoted to the post of Assistant Manager Design. The ‘Senior Manager’ had invited Ashok and Ashok’s manager to his cabin before presenting the promotion letter to Ashok. Both the managers had not tired singing praises for the work Ashok had put in over the last few years at the company. Ashok had also received a substantial hike in recognition of the stupendous work he had put in over the years he had spent with the organization.

At any other time Ashok would have celebrated the occasion but with the recent developments at home there was little to rejoice.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

There had been numerous problems with the new HVAC (Heating Ventilation Air Conditioning) system that Ashok and his team had been working on for the last six months. The curvature on the mould for casting had been very difficult to manufacture. And now when it was finally ready the plastic had failed to hold together.

The company had invested a fortune into the design and development of the HVAC unit. Ashok realized that any delays or defects in the design were sure to ruffle many feathers in the higher management.

The last set of dies manufactured as a part of the first batch had to be discarded. And the casting team had refused to proceed until all the faults in the design were rectified.

Ashok had been unconvincing in his attempts to assure Mr.Moorthy, his manager. Ashok had lied unscrupulously while trying to convince Moorthy that the problem was due to a minor defect in the joint and would take only a few days to rectify.

Moorthy who was born with a mouse in hand had never learnt CATIA (Computer aided three dimensional interactive application, a designing software from Dassault systems). But he seemed to know everything about it, right from the day his company handed him the responsibility of assisting the IBM technician in installing the first of many AIX servers. Moorthy had jiggled with the UNIX servers while managing the installation of CATIA singlehandedly.

Moorthy’s knack with the computers added to his post graduation in molding had taken him up the organizational ladders in a relatively short span of time.

Moorthy nodded, realizing that Ashok was trying to save face by lying. Moorthy knew that it was hard for a designer to accept the flaws in his design. He also knew that it only got harder for someone like Ashok to accept his faults. Moorthy decided to ignore Ashok’s blunder and look the other way. He was sure that Ashok was capable enough to correct his mistakes and learn from them.

It had been four weeks since Ashok's discussion with Moorthy but the design was yet to be finalized. The FEA (Finite element Analysis) of the design had brought out few major concerns around the pressure build up at the corners. The timelines were drawing closer and for the first time since the project had started there was a real risk of missing a major deadline.
HVAC formed a small but major component in the cars design. A customer driving a luxury car would never compromise on comfort. And the HVAC played the biggest role in providing comfort to the occupants.

The HVAC Ashok’s team had been working on was being designed for a new line of super luxury cars. And the company wanted to spare no expenses in designing the best HVAC.

‘If it was not for us .... The rear seat of your car would never have been comfortable’ read the big poster on one of the pillars inside the company.

Ashok glanced at the poster as he passed it on the way to his desk. A picture of a beautiful Red car taken from the rear, stood under the lettering's on the poster. The car stood against a backdrop of sparkling lights from the city as seen from the mountain cliff that the car was standing on. If you looked closely at the picture you would have also notice the red heels belonging to a girls sandals, peeping out from the rear window of the car.

The poster had always made Askhok uncomfortable but today he had little time to think about anything apart from the HVAC design he needed to complete.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

In the last five years that Ashok had spent the organization, he had given them very little to complain about. But things had gone from good to bad and then worse in the last few months.

Ashok’s past laurels were soon fading as his blunders at work grew bigger.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Anvita was everything that a man could ever desire from his wife. She belonged to a reputed family. She was well educated and also very beautiful.

Anvita had been the answer to all the dreams that Ashok had cherished for his future wife.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Ashok failed to understand why his marriage was suddenly on the rocks. He and Anvita had another argument this morning. Anvita had cried relentlessly before deciding to pack her bags and leave.

‘You don’t realize how shallow you are,’ she had shouted at Ashok, before bursting into fresh bout of tears, when Ashok had attempted to console her.

Ashok had furiously shut the door before rushing out of the house.

‘These women !!! all they ever do is complain and cry,’ Ashok had ruminated angrily before boarding the company bus.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Anvita was Mr Hegde’s only daughter. Anvita had been the answer to her mothers endless prayers and her fathers grudging apathy towards her mother. Anvita was the only anomaly in what was otherwise a fruitless relationship that her parents had shared.

Anvita’s father adored his daughter just as much he hated his wife Sunitha. Anvita’s mother bore all the atrocities from her husband hoping to get her daughter a life she never had. In between the two parents Anvita was showered with all the attention she could take. Her parents hatred or dread for each other had transformed itself into love that they showered on the lone that held together their failing marriage.

Anvita had faced little hardships in her childhood as her parents had served all her wishes to her on a silver platter. Anvita had grown up to trust and like everyone whom she met.

Life certainly had been nothing more than a joy ride for Anvita until she had met Arun.
X ------------------------------------------------- X

Ashok was born in a little village on suburbs of southern India. Ashok’s father owned a piece of land at the bank of Suvarna River, also known as the Swarna nadi (in tulu).

The Suvarna runs though Perdoor, Hiriyadka , Parika (parkala) Herga, Manipal , Perampalli, Uppoor and Kallianpur. She provides the main source of water to quench the ever-increasing thirst of the city called Udupi. Suvarna continues to flow year on year untouched by the life that unfolds on her banks. Suvarna was there when Ashok was born. She was still there when he played on her banks. And today when everything is lost, Suvarna continues to flow unaware of Ashok’s whereabouts.

Unlike life, Suvarna had never favored anyone. Her hatred was never more evident than during the monsoon months when she breached her banks clearing everything that had settled on it. Every year when the floods bated people returned to settle on her banks knowing well that the floods would return next year. Suvarna continued to shrug her shoulders in disbelief at their optimism as she moved on. Suvarna willed herself to try harder the following year.
A small thatched house stood at one corner of the land that had belonged to Ashok's father. The house was surrounded by coconut trees, sixteen in all. A lone brown cow stood grazing at one corner of the house.

Padma, as the kids fondly called the cow, like Suvarana cared little for the family. Padma cared little that Ashok’s mother rose early every morning to milk her. And she cared even lesser for the reason why Ashok’s mother did so. Ashok’s mother feared that the kids would bawl for milk if they caught her milking the cow.

Ashok’s parents hated themselves for having to steal the milk away to the diary. They stole the milk every morning from the hungry mouths of their children, lying on the floor. But they were helpless against the fact that they needed the money; more than ever this year because the rains had failed them.

Padma continued chewing the cud, dreaming of lush green grasslands.

Every year Ashok’s father tilled the Paddy field hoping for a bountiful harvest. Every year the farms continued to disappoint him. The paddy they grew was never enough because for the last eight years their family had continued to grow. The paddy had never been enough because their hunger outgrew the harvest. The paddy was never enough because the needs of the family outnumbered the things their money could buy.

The family’s problems had only gotten worse this year because of the failed monsoon. The monsoon always failed every four to five years. The family had known that the monsoon would soon fail. They had known that the paddy would not grow when the monsoon failed. However, they had been helpless, Poverty had the knack of doing that to people.

Ashok hated poverty. He hated everything that was poor. He hated his parents, brothers and even himself for their helplessness and destitution at the hands of poverty.

Ashok’s parents worked on daily wages at the farms of Pradeep Shattru in order to earn the extra money needed to feed the increasing needs of their eight children.

Pradeep Shattru owned the largest piece of land and was one of the few powerful people in the village. Pradeep Shattru not only owned the biggest house in the village but was also the first and only person to own a jeep.

On weekends the villagers including Ashok’s kin hoarded into Pradeep Shattru’s house to watch the Sunday evening movie on the television.

Every Sunday Praveen, Pradeep Shattru’s son proudly sat on the chair in the living room verandha while the villagers huddled around him on the floor anxiously anticipating the movie to start.

Praveen to say the least was a spoilt brat but that was something that came to him naturally. Being a spoilt child was probably was a gift that only the filthy rich like him could afford.

Ashok hated the life of destitution, but what he hated more was the rich people. He hated the way they sniggered at him, every time he looked them into the eye. He hated when he was given their old discarded clothes. Ashok retched with discomfort when Pradeep Shattaru’s son Praveen made fun of him for wearing Praveen’s old shirt to school. Ashok hated it when his mother proudly fed him the leftovers she had brought back for her children from Pradeep Shattaru’s house.

Ashok struggled to shed the skin he was born in. He wanted to run away from the life he was born into. Ashok wanted to get rich and he wanted to do it quickly.

Ashok in his childhood loved the trips to city on the village bus. The city was huge and no one there recognized him for what he was in the village. Ashok always wore his best dress to the city. He walked around the streets spending little of the money he had collected over the months from bits and pieces of work he had done in the village. Ashok during the trips to the city preferred to maintain a distance from his brothers and sisters. He hated them for their ignorance. He hated them for their indifference to the way people treated them.

Ashok did want the people in the city to mistake him for being a poor ignorant village kid.

Ashok loved the school. Because school allowed him the opportunity to be equal among the rich kids from the village. He loved studying because he loved proving to himself and others that he was better than the rich kids. Ashok spent all his free time with the books. The books not only helped him forget his surroundings but they taught him many things about the life outside the village. They filled him up with joy and hope. They taught him the ways of the rich. Ashok dreamt a lot and in all his dreams he was Pradeep Shattru’s son, Praveen. The dreams helped him survive in a place that he hated most .... his home.

Studying not only provided Ashok with an excuse to evade from working at the farms , but it also provided him with a tool to get back at all the rich kids at the school.

Ashok’s teachers were of praise for him. They loved him since he always topped his class. Ashok’s parents had tried unsuccessfully to keep him from school but had finally relented when his teachers had intervened to convince them of the bright future that their son could have. Once his parents were convinced they did everything they could to ensure that Ashok was able to continue at school. His brothers and sisters toiled extra hours while his parents saved every last morsel to provide for the dream of their boy. His family struggled and went hungry but never let Ashok feel the discomfort. Ashok was their beacon of hope; he represented a ray of light at the end of a tunnel to penury and hardship.

Ashok’s angst against his social status and his hatred towards the rich aided his rise.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Ashok had struggled at every stage of his life to reach where he had. And now the thought of everything suddenly leaving him sent a shiver down his spine.

Ashok held his head between his hands as he sat morosely in the office cafeteria. The cup of tea he had collected from the coffee machine sat untouched in front of him.

Ashok heard a rustle and looked up to see what had caused it.

Raghu who had been passing the cafeteria on his way to the designing room had noticed Ashok sitting at the table and had walked in to enquire on his well-being.

Ashok’s round face looked sad. There were deep lines on his forehead. His eyes had developed dark circles from all the sleepless nights. Ashok looked older because of the unshaved stubble on his face. A white hair reared its head from his thick mustache that was untrimmed. It was not like Ashok, who was always known to be impeccable with his attire.

Raghu realized that there was something seriously wrong with Ashok. Ashok had not been himself for the last few months and it worried Raghu to find his colleague in pain.

‘What did Manish say?,’ enquired Raghu trying to start up a conversation.

Ashok had been working on the HVAC design with Raghu when Manish had interrupted them and called Ashok away.

Raghu had waited in vain hoping that Ashok would soon return, before deciding to check on the progress with the moulds on the shop floor. Raghu had been on his way back from the shop floor when he had spotted Ashok in the cafeteria.

‘Seemed like a long meeting,’ Raghu continued sounding concerned.

The kindness in Raghu’s voice acted as a catalyst, bringing tears gushing down Ashok’s face.

‘My wife has filed for divorce,’ replied Ashok between sobs.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Anvita looked beautiful in the light blue Adidas sweat shirt and the black jeans she was wearing. There was a desolate longing look to her face. Anvita looked lost in her thoughts; she seemed far away from the world she lived in.

Anvita did not realize the effect her beauty had on others which only made her even more desirable. She moved unaware of the eyes that adored her and longed to touch her. Anvita’s was a face that was hard not to stare at; the slender lines of her beautiful lips complemented the elegant carved frame of her face. Her collarbones seemed chiseled to perfection, their only purpose being to support her beautiful neck. It was impossible to forget her face if you saw it once. Her beauty had made Anvita the talk of her school. Boys longed to be next to her and the girls despised the attention she commanded. For all her beauty, Anvita was an introvert who preferred keeping to herself. She hardly ever spoke to any of the boys in her class. This only increased the fervor among the boys to befriend her, while the girls turned green with envy.

Sun mellowed as it noticed Anvita and her friends walking out from the classroom. Cool breeze that sometimes blew on a summer afternoon engulfed the school lawns. The wind was not strong enough to raise dust from the parched grounds, but was strong enough to rustle the leaves from trees.

The rustle of leaves was interspersed by an occasional chirp from the birds sitting across the branches.

Anvita walked across the school playground, passing between the basketball court on one end and the cricket ground on the other. She continued walking towards the school gate unaware of the eyes that were following her every move. Anvita moved with confidence that came from the knowledge that her father would be waiting across the wall that surrounded the school campus.

Every morning Anvita’s father dropped her to Kendriya Vidyalaya for the special classes. Anvita was starting her tenth grade in a month’s time and the special classes were in preparation for the tough year ahead. Anvita and her friends had enrolled into the Math’s and Physics special classes hoping to get a heads up before the school year started. It was four weeks since the classes had started.

Anvita held her books between her folded arms, close to her chest, as she walked towards the gate. The long ruled notebook peeped between her arms trying to get a view of the surroundings.

Anvita looked straight ahead at the gate hoping to catch a glimpse of her father. She usually avoided letting her eyes wander to the sides. Anvita dreaded catching the staring eyes of the boys who never seemed to miss an opportunity at making her feel uncomfortable; little did Anvita realize that it was her beauty, which was incapacitating the boys.

Anvita’s long legs moved in unison to the suppleness of her waist as she strode on towards the gate.

Priya and Sujata, Anvita’s friends were discussing the solutions to the test they had just completed when the three were distracted by a sudden yelp. The girls looked across to the tree that stood on the opposite corner of the cricket ground.

Pooja had told Anvita and Sujata about the boy she had noticed standing under the tree at the opposite end of the cricket ground. Pooja had ignored the boy when she had seen him for the first time. But had decided to share it with the her friends when she had noticed him standing at his designated place day after day for the last few weeks. The girls had tired to ignore the figure standing under the tree assuming that he had been waiting for someone. But when they found him standing there, day after day it unnerved them. What made the girls rather uncomfortable was the fact that the boy seemed to watching them.

Anvita had contemplated telling her dad about the boy but was afraid that her dad would create a scene inside the school. She feared that her dads act would end up attracting a lot of unwarranted attention towards her, something that she could have done without.

The boy stood there, waiting for someone, every day, for the last four weeks.

The other girls in the class too seemed to have noticed the boy. The girls had been discussing about the boy this morning before the class had started.

Arun looked around realizing that his actions would have attracted attention from all the girls passing by. Arun had kicked the street dog that had been trespassing the school grounds. The dog had entered the school grounds in a vain hope of finding something to eat. Finding noone in the grounds the dog had resorted to pestering Arun by sniffing around him. The dog thought that Arun would give in to its pleas and drop a crumb for it.

Arun had tried to shoo the dog away unsuccessfully before being forced to kick it in frustration, when all else failed. The dog yelped and ran away from him. Arun caught Anvita’s eyes as he quickly turned around wishing that the dog would quiten sooner.

Anvita quickly looked away trying to ignore the boys gaze. She quickened her pace hoping to make it to the comfort of her dad’s car.

Anvita thought she had seen a smile on the boys face when their eyes had met. She reached the gate and turned left heading towards the main road where her dad would be waiting for her in the car. Anvita reached the corner where the bylane in which the school was located met the main road.

Anvita looked up from the ground for the first time since she had exchanged glances with the boy.

Her dad’s car was nowhere in sight. Anvita anxiously searched the oncoming traffic for a sign of her dads car. Anvita wanted to get back home as quickly as possible.

She could still feel the boy’s eyes boring into her.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Ashok walked into the college campus proud of his achievements. He could see his dreams realizing in front of his eyes. Ashok looked around at the huge college campus.

The main administration block was straight ahead, a few hundred meters from where Ashok stood.

Few minutes later Ashok was standing in front of the seven stories high administrative block. The building seemed to be beckoning him. The building stood still, asking Ashok to move forward and embrace his destiny.

It was Ashok’s first day at the engineering college, he felt at top of the world. He was ready to defeat life in a game that life played too well.

Ashok had received an admission into the college through a scholarship and he was excited at the prospect of what lay ahead of him.

‘Hey you come here,’ Ashok heard a voice calling out for someone. He continued walking towards the college building. ‘Who could be calling for him at the college campus?’ he reasoned as he moved ahead.

‘Hey you there, in the blue shirt, come here’ Ashok for the first time wondered if the voice was really calling out for him.

He stopped and turned around hesitantly in the direction from where he thought the voice had come. A group of five boys stood near the wall in that direction; the group seemed to be looking towards him. One person from the group signaled at Ashok, confirming Ashok’s doubt they had been calling out to him. Ashok stood still, uncertain about how to react. He wondered what the group could have wanted from him.

‘Bega!!! don’t waste our time,’ shouted the boy had signaled to Ashok bringing him out form a trance. Ashok walked towards the group, hesitantly. He wondered if they had mistaken him for someone else.

The sun beat down steadily on the thin frame of Ashok. Beads of sweat glistened on his face, trying to fight the humidity in the air. Like Ashok, they failed to realize that there was little they could do to win.

The breeze that frequented during hot afternoons bringing respite to the people was missing.

‘So are you joining the college today,’ a tall well-built man with a thick mustache asked Ashok. The man was standing in the centre of the group and seemed to command respect from all the others.

‘Ye es sss,’ said Ashok stammering a little, still unsure what the group wanted from him.

The boy standing beside the man with the thick mustache, who had just spoken, walked towards Ashok.

Ashok involuntarily turned to face the boy who was walking towards him. What happened next caught Ashok completely by surprise. Ashok’s right cheek burned with searing pain from the slap. Ashok raised his arm to protect his face. He knew, whatever that was to follow was not going to be pleasant.

Ashok braced himself for the worst.

‘Cant you hear when Ajay sir is calling you,’ the boy said before slapping Ashok on the other unprotected cheek. This time the pain was lesser as Ashok had been ready for the slap.

The group broke into peals of laughter. Ashok’s hands rushed to his other cheek. His cheeks still burned from pain of the slaps. Ashok covered his cheeks with his palms and glared back at his assailant.

‘What are you staring at me for?’ asked the boy before slapping Ashok again a few more times.

Ashok stood still, without showing any reaction. He knew he was powerless yet he continued to stare back at the boy who had slapped him.

‘Hey look at the collar of his shirt, it is completely torn,’ said one of the other boys trying to change the subject and cool things down.

The group’s attention moved from Ashok to his shirt collar. Ashok stood there helplessly watching his façade fall apart. Fear and anger were slowly giving way to shame and resentment. Ashok bit his lips, fighting back his tears. He stood there unable to rein his emotions. Ashok’s head felt very heavy.

The sun continued to shine relentlessly, unmoved by Ashok’s plight. Ashok wanted to run back home to his family and stay hidden form the world forever.

‘Is this the shirt you wear to college,’ asked the boy who had slapped Ashok, still standing close to him.

The boy used one of his hands to prop Ashok’s chin up while with the other he tried to brush Ashok’s arm away from Ashok’s face.

Years of toil in the village had made Ashok strong, he held his arms across his face unflinchingly, resisting the effort. The boy realizing that Ashok was stronger stopped trying to free his arm and gave Ashok a sharp push before adding ‘Don’t you have money for a new shirt?,’.

Ashok heard a few giggles from the group, appreciating the smart comment.

‘Looks like we have caught the sweeper’s son,’ the boy added with a chuckle after having gained his confidence back.

The group again broke into peals of laughter.

Ashok found it hard to restrain his anger. And he continued to glare back at the group. Ashok grit his teeth as he angrily retorted ‘I don’t have another shirt,’.

The group suddenly fell silent. They boys looked across towards their leader for reassurance. The boys perplexed by Ashok’s reaction were unsure about how to react.

The leader of the group who the boys had referred to as Ajay, addressed Ashok ‘Do you know what this shirt is fit for?’

Ashok looked up from the ground. He now stood facing Ajay.

The boys, gaining in confidence looked towards their leader expectantly.

‘Let me show you,’ added Ajay as he moved towards Ashok. Ashok was unprepared as Ajay gave Ashok’s shirt a hard lug.

The shirt came free from Ashok’s body leaving him completely exposed. The shirt having completed its purpose of serving its owner and was waiting to give up on this life. It had little left to give to Ashok. The shirt fell free at Ashok’s feet.

Ashok stood still unmoved; he did not attempt to hide the sudden nakedness.

The group broke down into fresh peels of laughter. The leader buoyed by hoots from the group continued speaking ‘Pick that rag up you swine and wipe our shoes,’ he added before looking across the other members of the group.

The group greeted their leader’s comments with more appreciatory hoots.

‘Pick it up,’ Ajay repeated as Ashok stood still without reacting.

The boy who had slapped Ashok was now standing behind him. He gave Ashok a sharp kick behind the knees. Ashok’s legs buckled involuntarily under him, bringing him down to his knees. Ashok looked down at the ground not wanting to face his tormentors. Ashok did not want then to see deafet etched across his face. He did not want them to know that he was helpless.

Ashok felt a sharp pain retching through his stomach as the boy kicked him in his groin.

Ashok broke down unable bear the pain any longer. He cried from the shame that he felt. He cried with anger, hatred and disgust.

Life watched the scene unfold with little remorse. For life always thought itself to be a great equalizer and its main concern was to reach a balance. Life knew, it was impossible to keep everyone happy and hence that was something it never tried.

Ashok cried because of his helplessness at not being able to get back at his tormentors. He cried because he did not want to loose, Ashok hated losing. He sobbed shamelessly.

Ashok wailed in fury unable to restrain his emotions.

The group quickly dispersed not wanting to be at the center of the attention that Ashok’s wails were drawing. Ashok continued sobbing unaware of the people who were congregating around him. The people watched Ashok in amazement, a few with pity, some with fear while others just because they had nothing else to do. Sadly no one came forward to help Ashok.

Slowly … a little …. a small part …. of Ashok died.

Ashok vowed not to cow down to the atrocities that life had to throw at him. He vowed to avenge himself of all the pain that he was forced to swallow. Ashok willed himself to fight the world …. Ashok held himself together becoming a much stronger person.

Ashok sat crouched on his knees crying, his self-getting a little shallower.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Anvita had been waiting at the corner for the last twenty minutes, her dads car was nowhere in sight. She was feeling very uncomfortable.

Anvita had had a recurring intuition since morning about something going wrong. Pooja and Sujata had not come to the class as if to confirm her fears.

Anvita started biting on her nails hoping that she would soon spot her dads car, her heart beating faster as time passed.

The thoughts from the movie she had been watching the previous evening returned to Anvita. She had watched every scene of ‘Dushman’ spell bound as Gokul, Ashutosh Rana’s character tormented Naina whom he had chosen as his next target.

Anvita was sweating profusely as her chest continued to pound relentlessly. She uttered the lines from the prayer that her grand mother had once taught her as a child. She hoped that god would make her dad appear and rescue her from the situation.

It was forty minutes since the class had ended and her dad was still nowhere in sight. Anvita felt uncomfortable standing there. The skin on her neck suddenly felt warm. She realised that someone was watching her from behind.

There is so much more to life than what meets the eye. There are instances where things happen to us but we have no answers. A few call such moments a work of destiny while others attribute it to the forces unknown to us.

Someone you have been surreptiously watching suddenly turns around, catching you by surprise. And you wonder what it was that told them about you.

You or someone close to you has intuitions about things and you are surprised when they turn out to be true.

The list is endless and one could spend hours talking about such moments. It would be foolish if we tried to deny these experiences as surreal or walked away from them. It would be fruitless to ignore them for they will always continue to exist. It probably is in our best interests to accept them and move on. For there is but one simple truth that life keeps repeating ‘fight with me and you will never win but accept my terms and you will never lose’.

It was forty minutes since the class had ended and her dad was still nowhere in sight. Anvita felt uncomfortable standing there. The skin on her neck suddenly felt warm. She turned around involuntarily realizing that someone was watching her from behind.

The boy from the tree, in the school playground stood leaning against a pillar at the corner where the bylane met the main road. The boy smiled back at Anvita when she caught his eye.

Anvita felt a sudden dread as the horror from the movie she had watched the day before returned to her. She uttered a silent prayer hoping that her dad would make an appearance and put an end to her misery.... But her dad was nowhere in sight.

Life probably had other designs for her ....

Anvita realized that the boy was slowly walking towards where she stood. She wanted to run away, Anvita wanted to scream for help but could do nothing. She stood transfixed, gaping wide mouthed at the boy walking towards her. Anvita’s heart beat faster. She felt short of breath and was close to fainting.

Anvita continued to stare blankly at the stranger walking towards her ....

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Anvita ran through the main door leading to the emergency ward at the hospital, not bothering to clear her dues with the auto rickshaw. She had learnt from her neighbors that her dad had met an accident and was admitted at the hospital. Anvita ran across the board marked ‘emergency ward’ without waiting to catch her breath. She had called her mom on the way to the hospital, Mom had told her that dad was critical and had been admitted to the ICU.

Anvita looked around confused when she reached the T-junction. She stood wondering about which direction to head for the ICU.

She stood there on the brink of breaking down when Arun joined her. Arun tugged on her hand asking her to follow him to the left, Anvita meekly followed.

A few hours earlier Arun was a stranger more akin to the villain from the movie but now Anvita could trust him with her life.

Anvita’s found her mother sitting on one of the chairs placed across the door leading to the ICU. She was crying, completely broken down from pain and concern.

It was again fear and helplessness that had brought Anivta’s mother to her knees. It was again life that had rolled the dice; For life always thought itself to be a great equalizer and its main concern was to reach a balance. Life knew, it was impossible to keep everyone happy and hence that was something it never tried.

Anvita embraced her mother breaking down into sobs herself. Arun stood at their side unable to react. He was helpless.

‘Can you please get these medicines quickly,’ said a doctor passing the family a little while later.

The doctor handed Anvita’s mother a prescription before rushing back into the ICU. Anvita and her mother looked on hoping to hear a few conciliatory words from the doctor. But there were none and they stood there unable to react. A thousand questions passed through their mind but they could ask none.

Arun noticing their helplessness rushed ahead and snatched the prescription from Anvita’s mother before rushing in the direction where the pharmacy was.

Anvita’s mother perplexingly looked on at the stranger. Anvita held her mothers hands.... hands that were about to rise in protest.

The mother and daughter exchanged glances leaving little for the words. The words could surely wait till later, when the situation improved.

‘I will get them for you auntie,’ Arun had said rushing away towards the pharmacy.

Anvita’s mother sank back into the seat, crying harder than before. The concern for her husbands condition clouded all questions that rose in her mind.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

The engineering results for the first semester were out. Ashok had topped in all the subjects.

Ashok stood leaning against one of the pillars that supported the administrative building. There was a smile on his face. A smile of victory, celebration and accomplishment covered his face but one thing that was missing was complacency.

Ashok was not complacent because he knew he had a long way to go. Ashok rejoiced his victory over his tormentors. He rejoiced at the stab he had taken at life.

Life stood watching. Life too had a smile on its face, for life knew that the game was undecided until the last card was played. Sadly, life always had an upper hand with the last card.

Life after all was a great equalizer.... for death was something no one had an answer to ....

Ashok stood watching the people streaming in towards the notice board that held the first year exam results. He stood watching the various emotions, unfolding.

Ashok was unaware of any joy and unmoved by any pain that was not his. He was berift of any compassion because he had got none from life.

Very few people had congratulated Ashok, but he knew that none of them had really meant it. He knew that no one was really happy for his achievements, not even his parents. He knew that his achievements were his own to cherish and celebrate. And celebrate he did, for Ashok knew exactly how he was going to do just that. Ashok treated himself to a movie that evening.

That night when Ashok returned to his room, he carefully stacked the movie ticket with the ten other tickets he had collected before then. Each ticket was a celebration; each ticket was a reminder, and each ticket held a story.

Ashok smiled at the small stack of tickets he held in his hands. He quickly put the tickets back into the small biscuit tin in which he was in the habit of storing the tickets.

The tin had awed Ashok when he had found it lying outside Pradeep Shattru’s house in the village. Ashok had picked it up wondering what the words on the box had meant. When Ashok had later learnt to read english he was able to make out the letters ‘Royal Edinburgh luxury shortbread’ engraved on the tin. He wondered how the shortbreads tasted. Ashok made up his mind that when he grew up he would buy a pack for himself to relish. The box had stayed with Ashok since then, reminding him about his resolution and also as a safe keep for all his movie tickets.

His shallowness was a projection of his past into his present.

A man is made from his experiences and the environment he lives in.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

‘Hi,’ said the boy who till now had been watching Anvita from his perch near the pillar.

Anvita stood dumbstruck, unable to react. She was frightened. She was uncertain about how to react to the stranger approaching her. Anvita watched wide mouthed, gasping for air as her voice betrayed her. She uttered a silent prayer hoping that her father would come soon. Anvita’s eyes desperately searched the main road for her father’s car.

‘I am Arun, what is your name?’ said the stranger who was now standing in front of Anvita.

Anvita continued to stare at him, dumbstruck and unable to react. She looked away in the direction of the road trying to ignore the stranger as best she could.

‘Looks like uncle has been delayed, do you want me to drop you?’ Arun enquired, as Anvita continued to ignore him.

It was a little more than an hour since the class had ended. Anvita’s dad was still nowhere in sight. It was nearing five in the evening and the sun was slowly getting ready call it a day.

Anvita was close to tears. She looked around helplessly as Arun having gotten no reply from her returned to his perch near the pillar.

Twenty minutes passed since Arun had approached Anvita, her dad had still not shown up. Anvita cursed her father under her breath as a small drop of tear trickled down from her eyes.

Anvita hurriedly wiped it away fearing that the stranger would learn of her weakness.

The yellow pole at the far corner of the main road that held the traffic lights was no longer clearly visible from where Anvita stood. The traffic had started to grow thicker as the evening had drawn closer.

Arun sensing Anvita’s growing desperation approached her again.

Anvita needed little instigation. She broke down in front of the stranger. Anxiety, fear and helplessness had taken away whatever little courage Anvita had garnered up till then.

Arun looked around helplessly unsure of himself. He wondered how best to placate the beautiful angel standing in front to him. Arun raised his hands in order to console Anvita, but pulled them back uncertain about how she would react to his moves.

Anvita meekly looked up towards Arun for comfort.

The two stood there looking at each other for a long time, before Arun regained his composure and hailed an Auto rickshaw.

‘Where do you have to go?,’ Arun asked Anvita as he let her enter the rickshaw before getting in himself.

‘Home,’ Anvita managed to blurt out meekly before both of them broke down into peals of laughter.

She gave her address to the auto driver. And the auto took a u-turn heading off in the opposite direction carrying the passengers with it.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

It was two days since Anvita’s dad was admitted into the hospital. Anvita and her mom had gone home only once to change their clothes and that too in a hurry, before returning to take guard outside the door leading to the ICU. They were waiting and hoping against hope for any news from the doctor tending to their breadwinner.

Life did not interfere with the designs that destiny had in store for them. Life stood watching and relishing from the sidelines.

Each day Arun had briefly disappeared in the night only to return in the mornings. He shadowed Anvita and her mom tending to their whims and doctors requests.

On the second day, Anvita’s relative had started streaming into the hospital from near and far. Arun gradually stepped aside as Anvita’s relatives took control of the situation. He was soon just a mere spectator on the sidelines.

The two days had changed the way Anvita had felt about Arun. She was starting to get comfortable with Arun. It was the start of many firsts for Anvita because until then she had never been so close to any boy.

If Anvita had read the newspapers or even checked the regional news on one of the Kannada channels she was sure to have noticed the photographs of top scorers in the 12th board exams. Anvita would have also noticed an emaciated, meek looking Ashok smiling from cheek to cheek in every photograph of his that appeared either on Television or the news papers.

Ashok had beaten odds and had stood fourth in the state exams. Praveen, Pradeep shattrus’s son had been unable to secure passing grade in four subjects.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

‘I will not allow this,’ fumed Anvita’s dad.

‘Yava jati oo. Kelasa yenu madthane gota nenuge,’ who knows which cast he belongs to and do you know his profession Anvita’s dad stormed at her mother.

The house resounded, shrugged and shivered as Anvita’s dads voice echoed through the rooms.

‘Aiyo, kugu bedi,’ please don’t shout, pleaded Anvita’s mother looking helpless as ever.

Anvita had shut the door to her room in protest, and from fear.

She lay crying on her bed unable to bear the thought of having to part ways with Arun. The thought of revolt never crossing her mind, because she knew of the lengths her father could go, in order to get what he wanted.

Anvita did not lack courage, neither was her love for Arun untrue, if anything her love for Arun was more than her love for anything in life. It probably was the intensity of Anvita’s love for Arun that had weakened her resolve. Her love had blinded Anvita and taken away everything from her.

She was forced into inaction because the fear of losing Arun was unbearable to her. Her love for Arun was true and the thought of parting with him made her breathless.

Anvita silently bore the pain that her father’s decision had inflicted on her because she did not know otherwise. Anvita had never known that she could go against her parents will. She had seen little of the world to know that her father was not as powerful as she thought him to be.

Anvita had never known that she was capable of making important decisions in life, because she had never made any. Anvita gulped down the pain that was struck in her throat. She cried till her eyes ran dry refusing to cooperate further. Anvita struggled to breathe and in the end gave in without putting up a fight.

Anvita lost Arun because she did not know otherwise; she lost because Arun could not reach her to remind her of the love she harbored for him. She lost because she had been brought up to loose.

She lost because life had other plans for her. Anvita changed that day.

If Arun had doubted Anvita’s love for him when she had refused to run away, it was only because he had underestimated the familial ties.

Arun had rolled the dice but had forgotten that there were forces unknown to him that governed when the dice stopped rolling.

Arun lost a few years of his life following the break-up because he was unable to forget Anvita. Little did Arun realize that the few years were nothing compared to the lifetime of pain that Anvita was destined to live with.

Ashok had again topped in the final semester engineering Exams. He had stood eighth in the university.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Ashok was selected for a job opening with a Designing firm when he was in his final year at college. He was provided with a choice of working in either, Pune or Bangalore. Ashok had immediately ticked the box against Pune on the application form. He had done so because Pune was the farthest of the two choices from his home town.

Ashok had always wanted to forget his past and escape from the family. He had always regretted that he had had no choice with the family or the circumstances that he had been burdened with. And now when he had an opportunity he wanted to free himself as quickly as possible.

It was two years since Ashok had moved to Pune. He had visited his family only once and that too only for about a week. Ashok had regularly sent them four thousand rupees, every month without fail for the last twenty four months. He had done so not because he loved them but only because he wanted the people in village to know how rich he had gotten to be.

Ashok’s only sister was to marry a school teacher from the neighboring village. And Ashok had agreed to pay for the expenses only because he thought that it provided him with an opportunity to prove a point to Pradeep Shattru and his son.

Who could help if Ashok’s family mistook his acts as a sign of attachment he shared with them?

Who could explain to Ashok’s parents or siblings about where his true leanings were?

Who could put a stop to them bragging tirelessly about how worthy their kin was ?

He hated them not because he could not love. But only because he had never known what love was.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

In the four years since Ashok had passed out from college his fame had grown by word of mouth through the neighboring villages.

In villages, time is one luxury that is available in large servings. Days tend crawl and time goes stand still in the little corner village shop. The banyan tree round the corner is surrounded with people trying to relax after their daily toil in the fields. There is little of more interest to this motley crowd than to talk about the success of one among their own.

The group disperses by nightfall heading home to their families. And just to prove a point about how important the evening meetings around the trees or the village shops are the individuals from the group spread around snippets from their discussion.

The dinner time talk quickly trickles through the females who having lived in the seclusion of their homes; having had none other than the cattles or the servants for talking, are eager to pick every morsel of information. It is sometimes surprising how quickly the news trickles through to every nook and corner of the village.

It probably is rightly said that in the villages it is not the television or the papers that spread information, but it is the people.

The fascination to learn something new and the eagerness to prove their worth could be something that adds to this enthusiasm among the village folks.

People who had little else to do other than talk, had taken Ashok’s achievement to be their personal victory and done his beckoning. Tales of Ashok’s affluence and generosity grew fast. And as the tales grew in strength, the idle minds of the villagers added words to the stories in order to make it interesting.

A few such tales made their way to Anvita’s uncles ears.

Anvita had lived the last six years of her life in oblivion, hidden from the world because she had decided to close her eyes to it. Anvita had remained aloof to the surroundings because she thought it would help her in coming to terms with the pain.

Memories of the ill fated night refused to leave her just as she had refused to forgive herself. Anvita had punished herself every living moment that had passed since the day she had failed; faliure writ large on her beautiful face ever since Anvita had decided against joining Arun who had been waiting for her at the bus stop.

Arun had tried unsuccessfully to reason with Anvita. He had failed to convince the one girl for whom he was ready to leave everything in the world, that the only path left for them was to run away from their homes.

Their parents had refused to see reason in what Arun and Anvita had wanted. And it was fate or destiny that the young lovers had resigned themselves to. It had been the age that had worked against them for no one wanted to take their love seriously.

While Arun had taken four years to completely forget Anvita; Anvita had continued to rue over what could never have been hers.

Anvita had finally found solace in the little children who lived around her house. She had spent all her free time teaching and playing with them. It was probably her love for children that had taken her through B.Com and then to B.Ed. Anvita had known that her dad would never agree to his daughter finding employment. Her father wanted to get her married as soon as she was old enough.

The threads that make up ones life are so intertwined that people mistake their actions for being without reason.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Ashok had been sitting at his desk in office when the office boy had delivered the letter from his father. He had wondered if it was a demand for money or a request for him to head home for some unknown ritual.

Lately after their new found affluence and following the marriage of their daughter, whom they considered as being their only burden, Ashok’s parents had taken to spiritual endeavors. Every few months they sent along a request to their worthy son asking for more money to perform a ritual in order to placate the higher gods and thank him for the gift in the form of their son.

Ashok had learnt to accept their whims only because these functions afforded him an opportunity to snub the villagers who had once looked down at the poorest family in the village.

The envelope had felt heavy to hold. It was thick and seemed to hold a stack of cards inside. Ashok had given in to his inquisitiveness and opened the letter after a few minutes of seclusion that he had awarded it. As he tore open the envelope he realized that it contained photographs. Ashok assumed that these were photographs from the new village temple that he was partly financing.

His father had been proud about the families ability to finance a part of the costs for building the new temple.

Ashok had even made sure that he had paid a few thousands more than what Pradeep Shattru had agreed to give to the temple. Ashok had told Raghu about the new temple he was paying for and was eager to share the new photographs with him.

Ashok and Raghu looked dumb struck at the beautiful girl dressed in a pale green saree in the photographs.

Ashok had quickly hidden the photographs realizing his fallacy, while Raghu had gone ahead and announced the news to the entire designing team.

Askhok had liked the photographs a lot and could not help himself from stealing glances at it from time to time. He had loved the girl so much that he had agreed to the marriage even before meeting her in person. The fact that Anvita had belonged to a family of high repute in the neighboring village had aided Ashok in making his decision quickly.

Anvita’s parents had been looking out for a match ever since their daughter had turned the right age. In the last few months their activity had picked up as Anvita had edged closer to her twenty first birthday.

A few weeks after her birthday celebration when Anvita and her parents had visited her grandparents in the village, Anvita’s uncle had sung praises about a boy called Ashok.

One thing had let to another and a month later Anvita’s dad had informed her that she was to marry a wonderful boy called Ashok.

It had mattered little to Anvita’s dad that the boy was from a poor family. The knowledge that Ashok was kind, mature and well to do was enough for Anvita’s dad to offer the hand of his only daughter to Ashok.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Anvita and Ashok had been married at the biggest marriage hall in the town. Anvita’s dad had spared no expenses for the marriage of his only daughter.

Ashok if the circumstances had been different would have loved to watch a movie to celebrate his victory but he realised that the movie would have to wait for later as the marriage celebrations took over his thoughts.

Ashok as a virtue of the alliance had entered the league of rich and important people in the village.

The marriage was just another feather in Ashok’s tryst to defeat life at its game; It was his victory over everything that life had wanted him to be.

As Anvita and Ashok participated in the rituals that brought them together as husband and wife .... For Anvita the marriage had represented a responsibility that she was obliged to fulfill for her parents while for Ashok the marriage was a culmination of all his efforts to make it into the elite group of people, the so called rich.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

After Eight months of marriage when Anvita and Ashok decided to part ways there was little anyone could do to change Anvita’s mind. Fingers were raised and questions asked but none could stop the inevitable. After all their protests had failed, Anvita’s parent had given in to their daughters wishes, resigning to the hope that a few months at home with them would help convince Anvita to get back with Ashok. Anvita realizing their ploy had taken up a position at one of the residential schools in Panchgani.

Anvita hoped that she would find what she had been looking for in the school amongst the children.

Ashok saw his world crumble and fall apart but was unable to help himself. Ashok failed to understand why things had turned out the way they had. Ashok was unable to stare at defeat in the face because he had never learnt to loose.

Noone in the village knows where Ashok is or what happened to him. A few say that he flew away to far of lands while some say that he roams the streets of Pune moaning over Anvita’s betrayal. In all the stories that originated after Ashok’s disappearance, Anvita was made to look wicked. All the stories blamed Anvita for what had happened. There were stories that said Anvita had a secret lover in Pachgani. There were stories that had painted Anvita as a evil force that had befallen on the noble soul, Ashok. But little did Anvita care for the stories of her immorality and little did Ashok learn about the stories of his righteousness.

The stories came and went like the falling tide of the night sea; Ashok and Anvita were soon forgotten because people found other interesting incidents to talk about.

X ------------------------------------------------- X