Story II - Learning from the Masters

5:30 PM - Sunday 20^th July 2008, Bangalore, Karnataka

‘da da brrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’ said Abhinav.

I turned my face away from the waft of saliva that gushed at it.

I pushed Abhinav away.

‘Naughty boy’ I said, wondering where he had picked up this new habit from.

I was sitting on the living room couch, my heart filled with pride. We finally had a house to call our own. Neha and I had fulfilled one of our long cherished dreams….. a dream to own a house.

My eyes wandered around the living room, stopping at Lord Ganesha’s portrait.

I smiled at lord Ganesha. He smiled back at me.

Abhinav sensing my thoughts, stretched out to the portrait.

I pulled Abhinav closer, hugging him tight. I felt him breathing against my chest. A warm feeling gushed through me.

I felt happy about everything around me.

Abhinav looked into my eyes, smiling and gurgling at the same time, in a way that only he could.

I saw my entire life flashing by, in my little son’s eyes.

‘What will you have for dinner’ Neha enquired, pulling me away from my thoughts.

I looked up and smiled at her.

‘Why don’t we go out for dinner?’ I suggested.

‘da da burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr’ said Abhinav agreeing with me.

Abhinav was in his sixth month. Our marriage was in its third year.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

3:30 PM - Thursday 25^th March 2004, Austin, Texas

I looked into the computer screen, trying hard to concentrate.

We had just returned after a little break for smoking. I and Vimal usually walked down to the parking lot for smoking.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

3:00 PM - Thursday 25^th March 2004, Austin, Texas

I had just lighted the cigarette and was about to take my first puff, when dark circles appeared in front of my eyes. Feeling dizzy, I held onto the rails for support.

I dropped the cigarette and sat myself on the steps.

Vimal rushed to my side wondering what had happened.

It took me few minutes to gain composure.

I assured Vimal that it was nothing more than a little weakness.

I wondered if that was truly the case. I had not visited the gym since last week. I had not been to the swimming pool since the first time I had felt this way, about four weeks back. I had also stopped going for jogs along the river.

We walked back to our seats wanting to catch up on work.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

3:45 PM - Thursday 25^th March 2004, Austin, Texas

Vimal and me worked at an MNC in India. We had come down to Austin, Texas for a brief stint at our head office.

I had just logged into the Mainframe.

‘Howdy’ shouted Ralph as he passed my seat.

I looked up and smiled at him.

‘Something wrong mate? You sure don’t look good this morning’ said Ralph walking back to my seat.

Ralph was our project Manager. He had been very helpful in our first few weeks in Austin.

‘Nothing in particular Ralph, just feeling a little down’ I replied not knowing how else to answer his question.

‘Ah! So we have an Indian under the weather. I know what you guys need. You need a good game of tennis. How about a game this evening? We can do it at my place.’ Ralph replied trying to sound amicable.

‘I don’t think I am up to it today, Ralph. I will ask Vimal if he can make it. I am not feeling very good at the moment’ I replied.

‘Hey! Vimal, come over. We have a kid feeling home sick. We need to cheer him up’ said Ralph craning out of my cubicle.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

9:00 AM – Monday 25^th Marh 2002, Austin, Texas

Ralph was a tall man in his late forties. I had liked him since the first time we had met.

It was nearly a year back when we had first met.

We had landed in Austin on a Sunday evening. The flight to Austin had taken a little less than Fourty hours. Extended security checks at airports did not help our cause.

We were a jet lagged and anxious to settle into the new city as quickly as possible.

The next day I and Vimal had walked into the reception of our office, asking for Mr. Ralph Peterson.

Few minutes later a huge man with a wide grin that was softened by the thick beard walked out from the lift.

Two years had passed since then.

We were now great friends with Ralph. I, Vimal and Ralph played tennis regularly, at least twice a week. We also sailed on weekends when the weather was good. We usually sailed along the Austin Lake in Ralph’s boat. I always ended up feeling a little sea sick, but Vimal seemed at home on the boat.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

6:00 PM – Thursday 25^th March 1999,Karkala, Karnataka

He stood watching. He was unmoved by the tears gushing from my eyes.

He stood stark naked. He was oblivious of the eyes that were staring at his manhood.

He stood still as the rain washed down, forming trickles of water on his body.

He had stood still in the scorching heat of the afternoon sun.

He stared down at the people passing by, defiantly ignoring their snobbish talks.

I sat at his feet trying to find answers to my questions. I had to know why he had done what he had.

He had not tried to stop the chair from falling. The chair had slipped from under her feet. He had not held her fall when the noose tightened around her neck.

He had not attempted to console her or reason with her.

He had let her die.

She had died a slow death, asphyxiated by the remorse of a love unrestrained.

He did not stop her when she had lost her will to lust. He had looked away when she came, engulfed with pain and joy that only true love could bring.

'We can never get married’ she had said, every time I tired kissing her wanting lips.

Each time that I took her into my embrace, she pulled away in vain.

'We can never get married’ was all she had for me

The day I had brought her flowers, she had cried

The day I had held her hand on the bus, she had cried

The day I had walked her back from college, she had cried

How little did she know that I lost a part of me, every time she cried?

'We can never get married’ was all that she had said.

I sat at his feet realizing how true her words had been. She had worked at changing our destiny …… little by little every time she uttered those words.

It was getting darker and the rain had stopped.

I looked up at the statue of lord Gomateshwara for the last time.

I was bidding farewell to the city, a city to which I never intended to return.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

5:35 PM - Sunday 20^th July 2008, Bangalore, Karnataka

I still feel her presence around me.

Those wanting eyes have followed me ever since the day she left.

Her sweet smell has hounded me everyday for the last ten years.

Jyothi will be an eternal part of my life till the day I die.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

‘No. We are not going out’ replied Neha as she snuggled closer to me, on the couch.

Abhinav was troubled by the loss of attention. He brought his hand down in a swift move on Neha’s face. He tugged at her hair before starting to cry.

Neha and me smiled at each other.

Neha kissed me before taking Abhinav away from my hold.

‘Love you’ she added looking back at me with a twinkle in her eye, as she walked towards the bedroom.

It was time to feed the little brat.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

4:00 PM - Thursday 25^th March 2004, Austin, Texas

I had asked the company I worked for, to move me back to India.

Mother had not been keeping well for last few weeks. Dad was retired. My parents wanted me back with them in Bangalore.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

5:00 PM - Thursday 25^th March 2004, Austin, Texas

Vimal and Ralph had convinced me for the game of tennis.

As we drove by ‘Research Blvd’ I wondered how often we had come there for lunch.

I had decided not to discuss the afternoon’s incident with Vimal or Ralph. I was sure they did insist on taking me to the doctor.

I did not think it was serious. I was sure it could wait till I was back in India..

I probably feared that the doctor might diagnose a serious ailment ....... I feared a prognosis that I had only a few days left.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

10:00 PM - Thursday 25^th March 2004, Austin, Texas

I played little tennis preferring to watch Vimal and Ralph fight it out. Ralph was tried after the first two sets. He was no match for Vimal’s athleticism.

Vimal had improved on his game since we had moved to Austin.

We returned to our apartment late at night after having stopped for a few drinks at Applebee’s.

The next day was a Friday. We were driving down to Dallas for a match between the Mavericks and the Spurs. Vimal loved the Mavericks.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

6:45 PM – Thursday 25^th March 1999,Karkala, Karnataka

I had taken up a job with an IT company in Bombay.

I wanted time alone, away from my parents.

My mother had insisted that I stayed with then in Bangalore but I had refused feigning the job as an excuse.

I knew I would never be able to completely separate Jyothi from myself.

Staying away from my parents was the best I could do to save them from the pain of watching their son break down in tears every morning.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

I had cried every morning since the day Jyothi had left me.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

3:00 PM – Saturday 25^th March 2000,Bombay,Maharashtra

Time flew, once I moved to Bombay.

We were sent to Kerala for a training that lasted three months. After the training we were moved back to Bombay to take up our postings.

Work took up all my time. I even spent my weekends in office. The long hours at work helped me run away from my thoughts.

I feared staying alone.

It was during one such weekend at work, when I had befriended Vimal.

We had been smoking near the tea stall when Vimal had started up the conversation. Before long we were walking to the hotel nearby for lunch.

We had been inseparable ever since.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

5:30 AM – Monday 20^th March 2006, Bangalore, Karnataka

Yesterday, I had confided in Neha about Jyothi.

Neha had caught me crying in bed at night.

We spent the night talking about me and Jyothi.

I had broken down a few times in between narrating the story.

Neha was impassive as she listened.

‘Do you want some tea?’ Neha had asked once I completed narrating the story.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

6:30 AM – Monday 20^th March 2006, Bangalore, Karnataka

We sat on the living room couch sipping our teas.

The first light of dawn had started trickling in through the windows.

‘I want to spend some time alone’ said Neha breaking the silence.

I shook my head realizing that this could be the end of our marriage.

I knew things would never remain same between me and Neha.

I had my bath before and dressed up before leaving for work.

Neha had not moved from the couch.

‘I am sorry’ I said, passing her as I walked to the front door.

I opened the door very slowly.

I feared that any noise would disturb the delicate thread that held my life together. I walked out of the house, towards the bus stop.

I repeatedly glanced at my mobile hoping for calls from Neha.

There were no calls.

My conviction that our marriage had failed grew stronger by the moment.

I dreaded as the clock edged towards six. I did not want to leave for home.

I hoped that stopping the clock would delay the inevitable.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

2:00 PM – Monday 29^th March 2004, Austin, Texas

I had just informed Ralph and Vimal over lunch that my tickets had finally arrived. I was going back to India.

Vimal advised that I should give my decision a second thought.

I had made my decision and there was no looking back.

It had been four years since I had met my parents. I had been putting off my visit for four long years. I and Mom did have lengthy conversations on phone, but she had always failed to convince me to visit them.

Two years in Austin had changed things. I had a lot of time to think about my future. I had time to retrospectively look and analyze what had happened. I had time to realize that I owed something to my parents.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

6:00 AM – Saturday 22nd May 2004, Austin, Texas

I had finally packed my bags.

Vimal and Ralph were waiting in the living room of my apartment. They were there to escort me to the airport.

There was little we had said during the drive to the airport. I gave Ralph a hug before moving towards the check in counter.

‘Go son and don’t look back, least you catch me crying’ was all Ralph said laughing out loudly. Vimal and Ralph had walked back while I caught the flight to India.

‘This life is too short to be spent crying over things that you cannot change. Life is too long to be spent all alone. Living is an art that only a few can master.’ Ralph had once said over drinks.

‘You are talking to the master himself’ he had added breaking into the loud laughter that we had now come to associate with him.

Ralph had lost his entire family to a plane crash. His wife and children had been flying down to visit him, when the plane had nose dived killing everyone instantly.

‘I am sure Corrie was driving the plane. He was a swell kid. The fu***** shit holes never found the reason behind the crash’ Ralph had once told me when I had unknowingly asked him about his family.

I later learnt that Corrie had been Ralph’s only son. Ralph never married again but he also never cried. He enjoyed his life because that is how he thought his family would have wanted it.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

7:30 PM – Monday 20^th March 2006, Bangalore, Karnataka

I knocked on the door knowing well that it would go unanswered.

I was relieved when Neha opened the door. As I walked into to the house I felt unusual warmth engulf me.

I made love. ....... I made love to Neha for the first time that night.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Neither of us has since spoken about Jyothi

‘Living is an art that only a few can master, Neha had mastered it.’

X ------------------------------------------------- X

6:00 PM – Sunday 22nd August 2004, Bangalore, Karnataka

Everything had suddenly gone dark. I was unable to see. I felt my head turning around. I felt weak. Mom rushed to my side as I looked for support.

I sat on the seat in the shopping mall as dad rushed to find some water.

Dad drove the car on the way back home.

Next day we walked into NIMHANS centre. Dad had fixed up an appointed through a friend who worked there.

Mom had been inconsolable since the incident yesterday. She had not stopped crying.

The doctor performed the preliminary tests and advised CT scan.

I felt my heart pounding as I feared what the results of CT scan would be.

The results arrived a week later, but I had died a hundred deaths in the interim. I died every time I looked into my mothers eyes. I died when dad offered to do the little things like driving me to places, buying stuff for the house. My parents did not allow me to move.

There wasn’t a temple that mom had not visited in the last week.

Dad had gone alone to collect the results form the tests. I had insisted on going along but dad was not ready to hear otherwise.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

7:00 PM – Monday 30th August 2004, Bangalore, Karnataka

That night we walked into the best hotel in the city.

The results of the CT scan had been negative.

The doctor had diagnosed my illness as Computer vision syndrome (CVS).

We celebrated with the best dinner that we could afford.

It was in moments like this that I sensed Jyothi’s presence around me.

After all life is nothing but creating moments to cherish and not cherishing the moments from past.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

A week later I was ready to be married to Neha.

My parents had worked day and night to find me an match, once they had my approval.

I was married to Neha at a huge wedding ceremony attended by Mr. Ralph Peterson and Vimal Natrajan.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

7:00 PM - Sunday 20^th July 2008, Bangalore, Karnataka

‘da da Burrrrrrrrrrrr’ I heard Abhinav calling for me once he had had his fill.

Living is an art that only a few can master.

I am a slow learner, but I have the best teachers in business to guide me.

X ------------------------------------------------- X

Thank you for having read ‘Learning from the Masters’. Please remember to leave a comment.
also read .......'The Train'